I am sooooo happy that 2009 is winding down. Looking back, I found it to be quite unfulfilling this 2009.

Last night I stayed up into the wee hours of the night reading Hesse's Siddhartha. How wonderful it was, I thought. So much so that I wanted to jump out of bed and start a new day..a new life.. 2010, I wish for much better awakening in my soul.

Happy New Year!

It appears I have high blood pressure. I first thought it was a mistake but after 4 tries, my blood pressure consistently measured at "oh my god, I'm too young for high blood pressure" high.. could it be from all the tension that has been amassing near and around my neck? no, that's perhaps the result of high blood pressure.. could it be from the sleepless nights of staring at the ceiling wondering 'what the heck am I doing' thoughts? or could it be the lack of exercise and salty food I consume everyday? Well, perhaps its all of the above. Either way, I need to stop it all!

My co-worker told me today that he was going to quit smoking.. "Why all of a sudden?" I asked.. "Chest pains!", he responded. Ahhh... yes... the chest pains.. Well, my yellow light was the high blood pressure... I'm glad we both stopped at the yellow before seeing the red.

It's so bloody cold outside!! I think I had my first official teeth freeze moment while attempting to talk on the phone..

I recently read an interview by Chinese artist, Liu Bolin, I found quite moving. An artist that has been dubbed as the "The Invisible Man", Bolin spends up to 10 hours to completely paint himself and disappear in his surrounding... a camouflage..

how amazing it would be to just melt through the walls..

Bolin:

“In my photography, historical statues, costumes and architecture become symbols of that which confines us,”... “I am expressing the desire to break through these structures. I portray subjects that seem to disappear into these structures and become transparent. The subject is released from social constructs and he is free.”

I find these words to be beautiful. I think what he does in his art is amazing. But really, I am most moved by what he stands for as a human being, wanting nothing more than just to be free..

So as 2009 slowly winds down in the next few weeks, I am feeling a bit nostalgic.. It all started when I came across this old photo from my photo gallery. Believe it or not, this was taken just last year. I was a bit taken aback since I don't look like this anymore. When I say, like this, I mean FEMININE! haha. Perhaps its my short haircut. I asked JP if he prefers me with short hair or long hair. He opted for short. I was bit relieved since the thought of looking like this again will be dreadful for me. It represents the time in my life when I was falling down a bottomless pit. I was unhappy (despite the contrary in the photo), lost, broken, and desperate to get the hell out of here. As soon as I left the country, I chopped my hair, met my love, and have slowly tried to put back the pieces of meaning in my life.

It's funny how things turn around sometimes. 2010 is going to be a great year, I know it! I hope the same for you too! Hugs..