So... as I count down the days to my departure, I find myself reflecting on the following thoughts:

1. Belongings - I have not a lot of such. As I commence my packing list I have come to the conclusion that I just don't have a lot of things worth taking.. It appears at this point, I will just be hopping on a plane (versus cross country drive) and checking in just one luggage bag full of books, some clothes, and a little bit of misc. items... I can't seem to wrap myself around this... how could I, in my 30+ years of existence, only accumulated one bag worth of real belongings? Have I truly amassed nothing worth of value throughout my days? or have I just come to the realization that most of the things that we do amass in our lives are really of no true value worth taking on your journey..

2. Friends - I have not a lot of such. As I count down the days before I will cease looking at the many recognizable faces, I couldn't help but wonder which faces I will truly miss seeing. It quickly dawned on me, not a whole lot. Have I really amassed no true friends throughout my days? or have I also just come to the realization that true friends are as sparse as the bag of belongings you find yourself taking on your journey.

3. Too Much Alcohol - Nothing good can come out of it!!

Everything is moving so fast it seems... My move to Los Angeles has still not registered in my mind... perhaps when I finally get a place to live it will hit me.. speaking of which, apartment shopping is a drag when you're not there to actually look at the apartment.. thank god Jen is there to be my eyes and ears.. I thought of just finding a nice loft space to rent but now, since it appears so many people are already "booked" to come stay with me throughout the year, I am considering renting a 2 bedroom.. visitor peer pressure!

So, my last official day in the east coast is next Friday.. once I finish work I will be jumping on a plane to Frankfurt.. my mom has decided to accompany me this time for a "mother-daughter" europe trip.. this should be interesting! I will update photos as often as I can..

Once I get back from Europe in the last week of February, I will then jump on a plane with my limited belongings for LA. So for all my friends and family - it's been fantabulous!!! Feel free to ring ring if you happen to be in the hood.. most likely I will have a bedroom for you! ;)

Hugs.

So during my preliminary preparation for the roadtrip last month I decided to go online and conduct a search for "traveling circus freak show". Why I ever thought I could find one during my trip was beyond me. Wishful thinking I suppose.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic today. It could be a result of past people in my life popping up in my dreams the other night. Either way, I suddenly thought of traveling circus freak shows, and how I have always preferred the nineteenth and early twentieth century rather than the present.

So now I'm a bonafide Hesse fan. I have ventured to my next book, Steppenwolf. In one chapter, Hesse writes how his main character, Steppenwolf, passes by a small theater with the following sign: "Not for Everyone".... "For Madmen Only"... I swear I think my heart pumped up a hundred notch with aching morbid curiosity... The hidden chambers of my sick brain suddenly swung open with unleashing fantasies and ideas of what could be in this theater.. Okay, I have not yet reached far enough in the book to find out more.. but for now, the thoughts of "Not for everyone, for madmen only" keeps ringing in my ear... Gosh, I wish things like that existed today.. perhaps they do.. I don't know..

My friend asked me last night whether I have been to this bar that is hidden behind some phone booth in a hotdog joint!?! Apparently, you enter the phone booth and then you call some number and give them your name.. a few moments later, apparently this back door opens and you are able to enter into this hidden room... I then vaguely recalled reading about this place in some magazine.. but I had no desire to go to such a place.. perhaps I would have when I was younger but now, like all the other pretentious "hidden" joints in and around the city, the mystique only lasts for so long...

why? because in the end, its all about the money man! You can make it a secret or "exclusive" only for so long before having to open the floodgates of wanna be starfuckers and weekend jersey girls (and boys) to get inside.. meanwhile, the fact of the matter is, every star has probably made their way in and is off to the next big cheap thrill.. never to set foot into the phone booth ever again..

What's my point?! where is the exclusivity anymore?! can a theater that is open for madmen only really be out there? a place where no matter how little the patronage inside may be, you still won't let the sanemen in?! Okay, its highly unlikely I, too, would ever be able to set my foot in such a place either but that's not the point.. I can at least be like the Steppenwolf and take a glimpse from the outside and have my less than mad brain take it from there..

too much info, not enough mystery... oh well.. off I am.

In the meantime, happy thoughts.